Thoughts on a Sunday

I’ve made the decision to write more. It’s the only solution I have to empty the endless amount of thoughts I have running around in my head. I’m well aware that this may be word vomit and there may be no direction whatsoever. Therapy at it’s finest.

I see this as a platform for me to say the things that I can’t verbalize or better said, shouldn’t verbalize. Whether that’s a bright idea, time will be the judge.

I went on a hike this morning to clear my head. I’ve told myself many times that I need to do this at least once a week. Sundays are a prime time to get outside considering most of the population in this city are attending religious gatherings. The picture above shows the lake at the top of the hike. The snow on the mountains in the background adds a natural light on the surface of the water. I had never been here before but will definitely return.

Finding myself on a bench on a small beach near the water, alone, I paused the music on my phone. I could hear the quiet rush of water from a waterfall on the other side of the lake. I rarely sit and look to take in my surroundings. It was a beautiful change of pace for me.

Insecurities run deep in me. They’ve always been there. I’ve never felt good enough, strong enough, attractive enough, smart enough, etc. The list could go on. I don’t say this for self pity or to gain the sympathy of my peers. It’s a struggle that I face every day. I’m constantly questioning myself and whether or not I deserve certain things. I struggle to find the balance of happiness. I would assume there are many others who go through the same fight yet I always feel alone in my encounter.

I give my all in being the best man I can be. Mistakes, insecurities, poor decisions, they all happen and will continue to happen. I don’t pretend to be anything but a mere human. However my intentions are what I focus my time and energy. I recognize that there will be residual effects and consequences for my irrationality. It’s a burden that I wish to alleviate.